Pin Post #5

#43 RIAT ’17
The Royal International Air Tattoo is an annual excuse for many of the world’s air forces to congregate and show their cool stuff off to vast crowds: a full long weekend of fast pointy things, military nostalgia and incredibly loud engine noises. It’s a delight, despite being near Swindon, and the only hard part is choosing just one badge to pick out of the thousands upon thousands on offer. I got this patriotic little Eurofighter after some internal consternation.

#44 HAMPTON COURT PALACE
The second (and last… for now) astronomical clock in my collection! This one, from Hampton Court, is from 1540 and still works. On the Thames upstream of London, Hampton Court is probably the best of London’s royal palaces: a huge, sprawling and extremely engaging architectural pile, half authentic Henry VIII Tudor bits, half Dutch William-era English Baroque (a 1690s refurb was cancelled halfway through owing to the death of Queen Mary II.)

#45-49 WELSH ADVENTURE 2017
I went to Snowdonia with my parents and partner in the summer of ’17 and, well, went a little bit mad.
Cadw, the Welsh heritage organisation, produce custom badges for all their castles, with Caernarfon and Conwy shown. We climbed to the top of Mount Snowdon honestly but rode the Snowdon Mountain Railway down (it was raining and my other half has short legs). No.8 is from Portmeirion, where The Prisoner TV series was filmed, and the train is one of the mini-Garratts from the Welsh Highland Railway (the loco has a fascinating history, having been built to haul crops on South African fruit 5lines that were themselves built from surplus First World War trench railways). After this splurge I started restricting myself to one or two per holiday.

#50 NATIONAL MARITIME MUSEUM
The National Maritime Museum in Greenwich has been knocked about a bit by a refurb and is quite difficult to navigate (I’ll always be bitter about the loss of the 20th Century Seapower gallery) but is still an unending treasure, especially the new Nelsonian and Empire galleries, which present nuanced and compelling histories of the period when Britain – for better or worse – ruled the waves. This little pewter ship of the line is a first-rate souvenir of the place. Background is NAM Rodger’s “The Command of the Ocean.”
#50A
Some years ago I was struggling quite badly with a temporary job posting I absolutely loathed and which made me deeply morally uncomfortable. To cheer me up, my then girlfriend* got some DIY advent calendar boxes and filled them with little gifts, one for each day I had remaining in that job, each with a tiny accompanying letter. One of those was this badge featuring a naval crown – note that it’s made of sails and sterms – which has somehow ended up as a recurring theme in our relationship.

#51 LEAF (Dartmoor)
On a heavily delayed train west to Devon to visit the Reeves, I found myself chatting (as I commonly do on trains) with a lady across the table from me. She turned out to be the chief executive of the farming-environmental charity LEAF, and as I was working on a farming related policy area at the time we had an excellent and (I hope mutually) enlightening conversation about work. She gave me this LEAF badge as a present. Background is Philip’s book A Darkling Plain.

#52 & #53 VENICE & ROME
Back to foreign travel with this lovely pair of pins from a holiday to Italy and Rome. I adore the gold ripples on the water in the Venice badge especially. This is another of the holidays I travelblogged – you can read all about it here.
#54 BRUSSELS
A work trip to Brussels coincided with getting to visit a friend and have a flying visit around the city (cracking army museum, appalling roads, highly advanced chip technology.) This rather lovely pin shows the city’s Brabantine Gothic town hall.

#55 PENIS

Presented without further comment.

#56 BRIGHTON PAVILION
I went down to Brighton to see the opening show of a new run of The Ministry of Biscuits, by Philip Reeve and Brian Mitchell. A good time was had by all, and you can find the soundtrack here: http://thefoundrygroup.bandcamp.com
Before seeing the show, we went to see Brighton Pavilion, the mad oniony architectural fantasia shown on this little badge. Background is the alternative Brighton of the Illustrated World of Mortal Engines, illustrated here by David Wyatt.
#57 ICELAND
I don’t think I’ll ever again have an experience quite so much like visiting an alien planet: the weird palette (black soil, feldgrau vegetation, white snow), the rarefied human existence (small, spread-out towns; geothermal plants draping pipes across the landscape like silver nets; lonely earth-movers toiling mysteriously in the distance; the vast aching emptiness separating all of them); the strikingly hostile, alien landscape, experienced snatches at a time before retreating to the warm safety of a vehicle; the unique letters, the mad pricing, the steam oozing up through cracks in the ground, the otherworldly aurora dancing above.
I got this at Thingvellir, a very interesting landscape which is also Iceland’s most historically significant site – and kept travelogues of the whole trip here. (Some have pointed out that the logs sound a bit negative – I had a really good time, honest! Maybe it was just the darkness making me sarky.)
#58 BRISTOL MUSEUM
The city museum in Bristol is a perfect urban museum: it’s a handsome old Victorian building with high ceilings and mosaic floors and holds a little bit of everything. It has historic maps, local conservation, dead animals in glass cases, an incredible collection of shiny rocks, the mandatory Egyptians (and bonus Assyrians!), lots of paintings and interesting ceramics, and of course DINOSAURS. Of which this is one. Backing is a lovely Bristol print a friend gave me for Christmas.

dreamt the factory dream again

I’ve decided to kick off a long-on-the-backburner creative project in earnest this year, after spending much of last year wondering if I can teach myself to draw (leading to all sorts of private notepad-and-Clip-Studio related tomfoolery.) It turns out I have a really bad mind for the sort of abstract mental shape-rotating I need to draw vehicles and buildings freehand. But I can get decent passable results if I make myself props and work from those.

I’ve forgotten pretty much everything I learned about Blender last year, and really just needed a prop that I can wiggle into place to get the rough proportions of a 3d object. So I had a go with Magicavoxel, a very easy-to-learn free open source bit of software that lets you plonk and colour cubes, essentially Lego-style, and it was exactly what I wanted.

Here is the stuff I’ve created to actually use so far: a little one-person cargo trike, and a set of Imaginary Lorries (loosely based on the Alvis Stalwart).

*

even the air is fluff to some extent

On Fancy Cat Breeds
or, why this little man absolutely deserves to be thrown in the river but hasn’t been

Eagle-eyed followers of my silly narcissism posts will note that in the last couple of years I’ve been joined by two white fluffy creatures. Let me share my usual point by point explanation of why we have ragdoll cats (for non cat enthusiasts: a type of overengineered soft toy that screams and shits).

  1. My partner wanted cats.
  2. We live on an estate full of foxes in central London, next to a road full of buses, and all of her childhood cats met sticky and premature ends outdoors.
  3. Thus, we looked into indoor cats, mainly for the welfare of the cat but incidentally for the local wildlife (none of which we want killed or brought indoors as a present).
  4. However, while the “indoor” thing is getting much more popular, it’s not nearly as popular or widely understood in the UK yet as it is Stateside. So shelters would not let us have healthy kittens unless they had access to the outside world, and would only offer cats with various seriously debilitating health problems.
  5. I am sympathetic to sick cats but I’ve never lived with cats and we agreed it would be a bit challenging for a first cat to already be on death’s door.
  6. Considerable research went into UK cats who would be good for our circumstances. Maine coons, the largest street-legal cat in the UK were ruled out on the basis they simply wouldn’t fit in our flat, leaving us with the choice of ragdolls or British shorthairs.
  7. I took one look at the shorthairs and said “no, they look like merchant bankers”.
Absolutely not

And I stand by that! Look, all cats are at some level snooty aristos, but there’s a difference of degree here. Ragdolls are the equivalent of tsarist-era princesses, so utterly out of touch and cocooned in wealth that they don’t even understand the extent of their privilege. Meanwhile, I look at a shorthair and I know it has opinions on the welfare budget and nods along to Telegraph articles about how tough it is to be a buy-to-let landlord.

And we live not far from the river, and I know enough about living with cats to accept that it is simply a longer or shorter period of waiting for them to commit some sort of heinous crime against a possession of significant financial or sentimental value. And I know that on that day, if I saw that bland, snotty, jowly face above a half-eaten baby photo album or widdled-on graphics card, I would have great difficulty not taking the little sod for a swim.

So we got these little fellas, and named them Leopold and Ferdinand because they’re posh and inbred, and they have been three years of very nice, surprisingly affectionate, company.

The punchline? Well, recently Ferdy went and bit clean through the screen of my laptop in a thoroughly terminal way. And, full credit to both of us, was not immediately delivered to the Thames for drowning practice.

(Disclaimer because that’s the sort of place the internet is these days: if this ever gets in front of someone inclined to whip up a self-righteous hatestorm, please note that this is a joke post, I love my fluffy idiots and have no intention of ever drowning them, and also you need better hobbies.)

the fly I had for breakfast wasn’t bad / so I had one more for dessert

Continuing the sequence of wonderful, principally frog-themed mystery gifts that I get in the post

In the deranged, feverish haze of spring 2020, with the world turned upside down, I got a box in the post marked “Beatrix Potter Collection” and with no indication of the buyer. Inside was the greatest teapot-themed work of art ever devised by man.

I immediately tried it out as a teapot, but that didn’t work well (the handle is hollow and the porcelain very thin so it gets uncomfortably hot): this is a frog built for form rather than function. However, he’s an absolute delight to have in the kitchen, and each morning I am greeted by Jeremy Fisher stepping out happily into the new day.

The Tale of Mr. Jeremy Fisher is in the public domain and can be enjoyed here by anyone unfamiliar with it.

 

Unfortunately the anonymity of the gift was slightly compromised by it coming with customs fees, which the donor (when I asked the group chat if anyone knew why I’d got a demand for such) immediately stepped up and paid. However, that means I get to publicly say thank you to my friend Hoov, who specialises in puns so niche, contrived  and excruciating that the gang made him an entire twitter chronicling them as his birthday present, because the world is not a good or just place. https://twitter.com/epipuns

double plus good

 

Gdańsk is a Baltic city, built to look pretty under leaden skies and gentle drizzle, which was just as well under the circumstances. The old town has (as usual) been thoroughly rebuilt after being flattened in the war, but it has a very different character to Wroclaw. This was always a very different city, a Hanseatic trading port which looked to Dutch and Scandinavian influences instead of Mitteleuropan and Italianate; but more importantly, its somewhat idealised postwar rebuilding very deliberately stripped out all its German elements. Politics aside, the final effect is gorgeous and quite convincing (much more so than Warsaw’s old town); it really wasn’t easy to tell reconstruction from original, although one building conspicuously sported a date of 1953.

After a hearty, not to say stodgy, breakfast at another bar mleczny sort of place (served by Ukrainian ladies), we wandered down the Long Market, the city’s main street, to the city museum, housed in a totally rebuilt town hall. The museum has all sorts of interesting historic elements – a rebuilt audience hall is lined with accomplished 1990s copies of old portraits of kings of Poland. There are some truly spectacular old survivors, a late 17th century staircase and doorway and a magnificent complete guildhall room which was broken down and taken away ahead of the Russians’ vengeful advance in 1944. But in all too many places, “nothing of the old furnishings has survived to the present”. There is a pervasive mournfulness to all this stuff, a respect for these fixtures as symbols of resilience as much as works of art, and – like the housefronts – as icons of a pre-war (and illusively “pre-German”) conception of the city.

A brief history: Danzig/Gdańsk was founded as a trade port under the Polish Piasts around a thousand years ago, then violently taken over in the early 14th century by the Teutonic Knights (of which more next post). As a seaport, it was an important member of the Hanseatic League, that interestingly modern medieval trade combine which dominated the Baltic for centuries, and became a rich and sophisticated city (with a largely German-speaking population) acting as an entrepot for overseas trade into Poland up the Vistula river. Like most of the Hansa it declined in the 18th century, was taken over by Prussia amid the butchering of Poland and ended up in the German Empire. When the Polish state was resurrected after the First World War, and needed ports, the new League of Nations created the “Free City of Danzig” with the idea that it would be an independent city-state belonging to neither Germany or Poland. This was less intrinsically weird than it now sounds – places like Hamburg had been proudly independent city-states within living memory –but was a fudge that pleased nobody. The nationalism genie wouldn’t go back in the bottle, the vast majority of the city’s population identified strongly with Germany and against Poland (the Poles had to create a whole new port city, Gdynia, further up the coast as Danzig couldn’t be trusted), and fell in enthusiastically with Nazism (its own police joined the assault on the Westerplatte.) After the war, the surviving Germans were violently evicted and a largely new Polish population shipped in, themselves evicted from what’s now Belarus. The anti-communist Solidarity movement was born in Gdańsk’s shipyards and Solidarność iconography is all over the city today.

At the top of the town hall there is an entire gallery of Free City of Danzig memorabilia, filled with the paraphernalia of an artificial state which was almost universally despised for its two-decade existence. Walking through it, reading about its progressive healthcare system and currency pegged to the British pound, is a deeply peculiar experience. We shook this off and enjoyed a gallery of local art – the delightful steampunk confections of Jarosław Jaśnikowski re-imagining local landmarks, an engaging portrait of the progressive mayor Paweł Adamowicz, murdered in 2019. The weather had improved by the time we reached the top of the bell tower; we discussed whether its arrangement should be considered an instrument rather than just a set of bells, but dismissed the argument as carillon baggage.

We had coffee and cake off Mariacki Street (anti-gentrification graffiti read “Don’t cut down the old trees”), enjoying an unusually exuberant fountain and its bronze lions, and entered the Mariacki – the Church of St. Mary – itself. It’s an unusual building, its ceiling all at the same height (rather than with lower side roofs for aisles, transepts etc), and its boxiness manages to make it feel much more imposing than the (actually vastly larger) St Peter’s Basilica; the giant marching whitewashed columns quite dwarf the usual immensely impressive collection of organs/family monuments/astronomical clocks/war memorials/angelic choirs/bronze fonts with wall-eyed allegorical figures of virtues/alabaster reliefs of the land giving up its dead at the end of time. The overall effect is to leave you feeling very small before the majesty of God, or at least the majesty of 15th century bricklayers. Danzig had a relatively calm Reformation, not throwing the architecture out with the bathwater, so there are lots of lovely pre-Luther survivals.

We headed to the maritime museum to pad out our knowledge – and its collection all seemed very magnificent, but unfortunately, the time we had left before closing simply wasn’t enough, and I have a vague blur of model ships and in my mind and on my phone, and a lingering sense of resentment at the incredible Soviet passive-aggression of museum staff who visibly did no work all day hurrying us through so they could close up and knock off ten minutes early.

Finally, the Westerplatte. We ordered a cab and headed north through the immense dockyards and loading areas, a haze of black dust hovering over the coal terminal (I initially put the wrong directions – there are two Westerplattes and, confusingly, thanks to canal rebuilds the one we wanted is to the east of the river – but our nice young Uzbek Uber driver was very helpful). The Westerplatte is where the first shots of the Second World War were fired,* and its torn concrete fortifications and eloquent signage describe an overture of the ghastly, one-sided horror about to be replicated across all of Poland. A tiny Polish garrison, outnumbered twenty-to-one by a Nazi force including a battleship,** held out for a week.

As well as the smashed buildings there’s a weird, strikingly socialist-era granite memorial, muscly abstract soldiers and sailors.*** Unlike the vaguely awkward, helpless monument at Auschwitz, I felt it still has great power, but, like with Mother Motherland in Kyiv, poses complex symbolic questions about the triumphalist design language of one totalitarian oppressor celebrating victory over another. Just as the Ukrainians are reclaiming the Kyiv statue by replacing her Soviet symbol with the trident, the Poles have supplemented the memorial with an arc of Polish flags and a plaque with a 1987 quote from Jan Paweł: “Every one of you, young friends, finds in life some sort of your own Westerplatte. Some dimension of tasks, which one must undertake and fulfil. Some order of rights and values. Which one has to uphold and defend. Defend them – for yourself and for others.”
“That’s pretty hardcore for a modern Pope,” I observed. “He was Polish,” Gosia replied.

Past a bunch of tacky tat-stalls hocking plastic toy Kalashnikovs and hand-grenades to schoolchildren, we headed back into town, for an evening of burgers and cherry-related alcohol. The bus took a roundabout journey around the sprawling docks, filling up with tough looking blokes with short hair and puffer jackets who would all have fit perfectly into series 2 of The Wire, and wondered if any of the ships we passed were unloading British tanks for the next war.

 

Poland 2022

 The Lost WawelBarbican, Celestat, AuschwitzFrom Wieliczka to WrocławRacławice, Ostrow Tumski, Museums of WrocławKsiąż CastleGdańsk – Malbork

* Using the traditional Polish-British-French war timeline which starts in September 1939, rather than the Russian one which starts in June ’41 when the Nazis (who they’d been openly allied with and supplying for several years) turned on them, the American one which starts in December ’41 with Pearl Harbor, or the Chinese one which has several plausible start dates much earlier in the 1930s.
** To be clear, I’m not doing the journalist thing of calling anything grey and armed a battleship: an Actual Battleship, with old but enormous guns.
*** Really awkwardly, I can’t see the soldier and sailor in the upper section without it making a face resembling the bloke in that big stone Armenian sculpture.

mystery gift frog 2023

I get sufficient mystery gifts in the post that I think I need to create a new tag for them. Some are from known parties, some are anonymous but clearly well-targeted at me. (I really ought to post about the teapot, the paper art, and the really horrifying custom made frog pins. I already posted about the hat I forgot I was middlemanning, over a decade ago.) I’m increasingly of the view that a number of these are from my old pal Tom, especially the incredible netsuke and a terrifying Shell poster* from the 1930s which he addressed to “frogboy sadface” (to the absolute confusion of our postwoman.)

This one, however, I’m pretty sure is not his style – but is very nice. (The cats do not seem convinced.)

Who are you, mystery frog donor? What secrets do you keep? And what is the name of this wonderful chap?

*

These Men Use Shell | Schleger, Hans | V&A Explore The Collections

twenty thousand years of this, seven more to go

Inspired by, and to the tune of, the first half of Bo Burnham’s magnificent “Welcome to the Internet”,

and by my friend Laci’s absolute dismay at experiencing the London Underground for the first time, which he immediately dubbed “the mole kingdom”.

 

Welcome to the mole kingdom! Have a look around
This is how we get from place to place while under ground
We’ve got oodles of stations, some better, some worse
If none of them confuses you then you’d be the first

Welcome to the mole kingdom, try to grab a seat,
You’ll soon forget what daylight is, you’ll soon forget the streets
There’s no need to panic, please try to stay calm,
We don’t respect personal space but we mean no harm

Welcome to the mole kingdom, where would you like to be?
Stay near Bank or Leicester Square or past the wildlands of Zone 3?
There’s District, there’s Circle, Victoria too
But please don’t ride the Central if you don’t want to stew

Welcome to the mole kingdom, feel your snot turn black
This train is overheating but it’s too late to turn back
The air here’s half man-sweat, half weird-smelling dust
Just do as all the locals do and lie you’re not fussed

Welcome to the mole kingdom, here we go again
You’re getting tunnel vision, nothing’s real but tubes and trains
The people… aren’t happy, they don’t meet your gaze
You’ve been here twenty minutes but it feels like five days

“See it say it sorted” echoes round and round your brain
“Mind the gap” has lost all meaning, “please alight” just sounds insane
Pass a cordon get aboard and sleep and wake up down in Morden
Meet a helpful platform warden then ride north a little more then-
Get lost in the labyrinth
(How is Bank this WRONG)
We’re waiting at a signal but we
won’t
be
here
too
long

genuine bona fide electrified

As previously mentioned on this blog, one of the things I’ve most enjoyed about Being An Adult is getting works of art and craft custom made. My pal Max is pursuing all kinds of interesting creative avenues as a career change and, having really enjoyed his recent experiments in lettering, I asked if he could make me a monogram.* My initials happen to lend themselves to a design with perfect rotational symmetry, and of the designs he made, one immediately stood out as a winner.

I am not (yet) the sort of person who gets custom embroidery on their shirts, and have no idea what I’ll end up putting this on, but it’s a lovely thing to have. I’m really not sure how it could be improved – well, actually, there is one thing…

Max is open for commissions for all sorts of crafty and lettering related work (he is currently writing a bunch of T. S. Eliot for a laugh.) Do drop him a line if you’re in the market.

* It may technically be a cipher, but who’s counting?